Guides · 4

Profiles, messages and first dates

The mechanics of dating are not complicated, but they are easy to do badly under pressure: a profile that reads like a CV, an opener that is one word long, a first date arranged around the only venue anyone can think of.

These guides are short on rules and long on examples. They cover writing a profile in your own voice, starting a conversation that goes somewhere, first-date ideas that are not a bar, and what it means to date with a relationship in mind from the first message.

If you are starting from scratch, read them in the order dating happens: first what "relationship-first" actually means, so your profile and your messages say what you want; then the profile; then the first message; then the first date. Each stands alone, so skip to whichever step is giving you trouble.

How to write a dating profile that actually sounds like you

Skip the CV energy. A practical guide to bios and prompts that read like a person — with examples for queer daters.

5 min read →

A coffee and a croissant on a café table by a window, an empty chair beside it

The first message: how to start a conversation that goes somewhere

Openers that get replies — and the ones that never do. What to say instead of 'hey', and why liking a prompt beats liking a face.

5 min read →

Two takeaway coffees on a wooden gallery bench in front of paintings

First date ideas that aren't a bar

Fifteen first dates with built-in conversation, low pressure, and an easy exit — because 'drinks?' is a habit, not a plan.

4 min read →

Two steaming cups on a café table in a patch of morning sun

What 'relationship-first' dating actually means

Most dating apps optimise for time spent swiping. Relationship-first design optimises for leaving — together. Here's the difference in practice.

4 min read →